"The Contract" (Part II)

“The Contract” (Part II)
By: Bucky Adams
PrisonerFan48@yahoo.com

It took a while, but I had adapted to being alone. Part of the reason being that I didn’t trust anyone else. No one else had what she had. Hanging out in graveyards just didn’t feel right without her. But when I was there, I did think about her. Sometimes just lying on a headstone, looking up at the sky, can be just the right setting to think. I spent a good deal of time there, bringing a notebook with me to write down my thoughts. And her name came up quite a bit. It’s true, I did think of her more than normal.

One time, we did question our feelings for one another. We had to know if there was anything potentially beyond our hugs. So, to see what potential we had, if any, we kissed. And this is the part where many of you reading this were expecting the sparks to fly. But unfortunately, that was not what happened. There were no romantic feelings shared between us. And although I was upset with that fact at first, I eventually accepted it. And later, embraced it.

Back then, I felt a need to put a label on things. But, did I actually need a ‘girlfriend’? No, I just needed someone to be there for me. Someone to listen to me, and someone to listen to. So, I refused to put a label on it. Even she asked what we were to each other. I told her we were just us. And I was fine with that. And so was she. So, we decided to keep it at that.

Searching for a new friend after she had left proved to be a difficult task. I had a lot of issues which limited what I could physically do and who I could socially be around. It was hard to find someone to compliment my weaknesses. I couldn’t forget about her, but the more I interacted with other people, the less I would think about her. I didn’t mean to forget her, it just happened over time. I didn’t mean to let her go. Unless I had a verbal trigger, she left me… twice.

I became the ultimate living example of a loner. And my life went on. A new identity was slowly starting to form within me. I changed. My politics changed. My tastes changed. My whole outlook on life changed. From the way I viewed people to the way I viewed the world. Where before I shut out and ignored other people, this time I listened.

And, for a short time, there were people I hung out with, but I was never really “with” them. They always made me feel as if I was standing just outside the circle. But, even during our happiest of times, I knew they would not be in my life a few years later. So, I raised the walls. Very few people could scale it. Very few have actually tried, but for their own selfish reasons.

If I had led a normal life, I would be depressed and on the verge of suicide. Don’t get me wrong, though. That subject does cross my mind a lot. But ultimately, I would never do that. At least, not at this point anyway. Because not only would I be the aggressor, but also a victim. And I was not going to let that happen.

So, life went on. I worked. Quit. Got another job. And I talked with my co-workers. Some of the ladies I worked with sat with me and talked with me during our shared lunch hour. Very few of the ladies got to see the true me, the real me. They took the time to get to know me, not based on the outside, but based on the inside: the true core of a person.

But, not long after working there, on a night just like any other, something happened which almost caused me to have an asthma attack. Despite the fact that I don’t have asthma. I was working in close proximity with my co-workers, with customers passing me by, left and right. I immediately got the feeling that I was being watched. Call me paranoid, but I looked around to find a source. I walked down the closest aisle, still trying to find it. I heard someone on the next aisle half-whisper “Is that him?”. I walked to the end of the aisle to try getting a sneak peek at who was on the next aisle. I was shocked when my way was physically blocked by the one person I thought I would never see again.

My body didn’t know how to react. It was shivering, shaking, warm, and breaking out in cold sweats. I almost lost consciousness. Her outer shell had changed, as did mine. But, it didn’t matter. I knew it was her. It seemed as if I was staring for eons. But, eons were mere seconds. This led to an even bigger problem: What do I say? Should I say anything? Should I wait for her to initiate the conversation?

My mouth opened, but I still couldn’t speak. My co-workers just watched, almost in shock, at my inability to speak. I was usually the type of guy to verbally express what was on my mind. Always had a word or sentence for anything. But, this event proved to be quite challenging to my diction. The awkwardness of silence befell everyone involved.

I snapped back to reality when a co-worker grabbed my attention and let me know our manager was walking our way. I opened my mouth and ended up saying to her, “I can’t talk right now. Meet me at the diner on the corner in two hours. Does that sound good?”. And now I was one hundred percent sure it was her, because the way she nodded had the same movement and mannerisms as thirteen years prior.

The next two hours proved to be most challenging. I was trying my best to do my job, but she was all I could think about. I was constantly watching the clock. Hour and a half to go. Hour to go. Just half an hour to go. Fifteen minutes, almost there. Ten minutes and then I’m gone. Down to five now. I went to the restroom to freshen up a bit before I left. Brushing my hair and making sure I didn’t reek of sweat.

I made a mad dash through the parking lot to my car. I could have just walked there, but decided to drive there because I wasn’t sure what would happen after seeing each other. At this time of day, the parking lot of the diner was not very populated. Few cars scattered about. So, playing a little game, I tried to guess which car was hers, and parked right next to it.

As I entered the diner, I looked around. The hostess walked up to me and asked if I would like a table. I told her I was meeting someone. I continued looking while walking through the diner. She was sitting in a dimly lit corner. She knew I always had a weakness for darkened corners.

So, I sat at her table and my heart was racing. I think she knew that because without a word, she placed her hand upon my chest. Within seconds, I was relaxed. Despite the years and distance between us, we were still “connected”. I watched her hand as it touched my chest. That hand was connected to an arm. That arm was connected to her. And at this point, I had seen and studied her as she was now.

But, something didn’t feel right. It was as if I was not sitting across from someone I once knew. She pulled a folded piece of paper out of her pocket and placed it on the table between us. I asked, “Is that it?”. She just nodded. I could tell that she wanted to say something but was afraid for some reason. I opened up the paper and reviewed all the things we promised each other.

As I was reading, I could tell she was staring at me. I was re-reading everything I had promised. And I was happy that I did not break a single promise. One thing we promised each other was that we would not consume alcohol. I have remained loyal to that promise, as well as many others. We were each other’s protectors.

I looked up from the paper and into her eyes, which were gazing into mine. Her eyes were saying a lot. It is amazing how much body language is in the eyes. But, there was one thing that her eyes couldn’t say. And it threw me for a loop. I couldn’t read it in her eyes. So, her mouth opened and very softly, she said, “I love you”.